There’s a certain unspoken etiquette to social media (Facebook!) that some folks just don’t get. Even though I feel like these things are common sense, it’s obvious many people don’t get it. So let me spell it out for you.
What Not To Post On Facebook
#1. When your kid finally sh*ts on the toilet.
#2. Mysterious rashes.
#3. Food that you didn’t actually cook, you just heated up; i.e. seasonless chicken breast, canned corn, and a biscuit.
#4. Vague posts wanting attention; “Please pray for me!” B****, unless you’re gonna give me the juicy details, this post was pointless.
#5. GoFundMe pages for every-f***ing-thing. Newsflash, we all get sick. Everybody dies. None of us EVER have enough money. Deal with it.
#6. Your multi-level-marketing schemes that are soo oversaturated and soo over-priced. Nobody. Wants. That. S***. If you were really making money, you wouldn’t have just shared that GoFundMe Page for Uncle Jack with the toe cancer.
#7. More than one personality quiz per week. Stop. Just, stop. At this point, we all know you better than you know yourself. And, you still suck.
#8. More than one selfie per week. We know what you look like. Well, we know what you look like with filters. Again, you still suck.
#9. Pictures with a nasty a$$ background. I’m so glad you use Summer’s Eve in your moldy bathtub but some things are best kept to themselves. You ain’t sexy.
#10. S*** that you don’t want literally everyone to know. You may think that your Facebook is private but guess what?! There’s something called screenshots. So, next time you post a video saying you want to beat up your boss (whether you’re kidding or not) and my husband happens to be one of your supervisors, HR is gonna find out. True story.
I’m going to lose so many friends over this. But hopefully my list will weed out the nonsense so we can get back to the real sh*t: Game of Thrones spoilers.
Sorry, not sorry,