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Settling in Love

Some of you ladies (or gents) may be in the state of mind that you’ll never find the perfect guy (whatever that means to you), so you end up settling. Settling for someone who you think you love, but in the back of your mind you know something isn’t right. Something doesn’t fit.

Maybe they’re the only guy you’ve met that shares similar bitterness toward the idea of marriage and/or commitment, so you think you make a great match. But then in the back of your mind, you actually wish he was the one to change your mind.

Maybe you think he’s the only guy who could ever love a girl like you, so you let him control your life even though it makes you miserable.

Maybe you’ve dated soooo many girls, each one having something about them that’s not exactly perfect in your eyes, so you assume what you really want is unattainable. You think you’ll have to just settle in at least one area if you ever want to get married, or have kids.

There are a million reasons someone might settle for a person who isn’t “the one”.

Don’t.

Soulmates are Real

Soulmates are real. And if you settle, you may miss out.

Now obviously I am not all knowing, I only have my own experiences and stories from others to go off of.

I was lucky enough to find my soul’s mate in life. It took awhile, and I honestly didn’t think it was real at the time. After a terrible divorce, and a crushing breakup after that, I was a young single mother full of bitterness when it came to love and commitment.

A lot of women, and men too, come to this point in life. Some quicker than others. A point where after so much heartache and disappointment, you just get tired of believing in love, let alone believing that there’s one person out there that’s supposedly “perfect” for you.

That was Me – Bitter Betty

I’ve been there.

I was the girl who, sure, had no problem finding dates. But I rarely ever met anyone who seemed like a possible match for myself. My “standards are too high” as I’m told.

And beside, as an introvert, going on dates was absolutely exhausting. I recharge by staying at home reading a good book or binge watching Netflix, not going out to bars or to dance. Plus, I’m a pretty sweet person and can get along with almost anyone, which only makes dating harder in my opinion. You can force a connection with almost anyone. But real connections with people you genuinely like? Few and far between.

Eventually I got to the point where I was perfectly happy being alone, knowing (or so I thought) that there was no such thing as a “perfect” man for me. I was told my standards were too high, that I asked too much out of a potential partner. And I believed it! Only, I wasn’t about to compromise on what I expected from a partner. If I couldn’t find my equal, I decided to “settle” for being happily alone.

I focused on myself, using the time I used to spend socializing, for extra gym time. I also traveled, taking a trip to Colorado and drove up Pike’s Peak with music as my only companion. And I spent more quality time with my daughter, teaching her the value in being a strong independent woman.

But Then I Met James

And suddenly all my ideas about men and love and marriage… changed. He was different. He was sweet. SO sweet. We’re talking Starbucks on my desk in the morning, flowers just because, genuine “I want to get to know you” conversations. Talking to him was like talking to someone I’d known all my life. He was smart, but not arrogant about it. Handsome, but not cocky. He was a grown up, but with a goofy side.

Now don’t get me wrong, nobody is “perfect.” Everyone has faults, including this wonderful man I’ve fallen in love with. But I have never felt more perfectly matched to anyone than I do to him.

Before James, I thought I’d never find a guy who measured up, and I certainly didn’t think soulmates were a possibility. I assumed I would end up old and alone save for my cats and little K, but clearly I was wrong. Happily though, I’ve found a man who loves and respects not only me, but my daughter as well. Someone who not only says he loves me, but shows me with his actions every day. A man who enjoys being my partner and equal in life. Who gives just as much as he gets, or more. I have never felt so lucky, and life has never felt more balanced.

Learning From Experience

There were times in every single previous relationship where I would try to picture growing old with my significant other, and I just couldn’t. It didn’t make sense in my mind (yes, even in my marriage). It just didn’t compute, obviously because they weren’t who I was destined to end up with. With James, I see our future together so clearly. I guess that’s what makes me so sure. Everything about us together makes sense to me.

So if you find yourself in a situation that gives you any sense of doubt… I don’t mean the fleeting Hollywood cold feet kind of doubts. I mean in the back of your mind, or the depths of your heart, you doubt that this relationship is forever? Then maybe it’s not. And you know what?? That’s okay! It is okay for relationships to end. Because an end only leads to a new beginning. And if this person isn’t “the one” for you, then that equally means you are not “the one” for them, either. Why would you keep them tied down to you when you are aware there is someone else out there who is so much better for them?

And if you’re single, don’t sweat. Life has a way of working things out exactly how it’s supposed to, eventually. The hardest part is waiting when you’re expecting something to change. Instead, cherish the time you have on your own. Travel. Grow. Explore. Learn. But don’t settle. Don’t give up on love.

-xoxo-

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